Am I doing it right?

I can’t tell you how much I’ve beaten myself up about this. We just can’t cut ourselves a break!

First you go through the incredibly challenging process of deciding whether or not you want to up-root yourself and live abroad. Then you actually go and do it, which is also hard work. Once you’re there, however, you hit a whole new type of dilemma. Are you living abroad in the RIGHT WAY?

There will be plenty of people to tell you if they think you are or not (amazingly quite a lot from those still living in your home country…)

• Go to every possible social event – a night in is a night wasted!
• Don’t go back to your home country for at least 6 months
• Live with locals
• Don’t even THINK about making friends with other expats
• Speak nothing but the new language to anyone for 4 months

Depending on what it is you are hoping to achieve, some of this advice might ring true for you. None of it is bad advice, but it is not designed to be a set of rules against which to measure your success. 

There is no right or wrong way to live abroad. It is a very personal thing and only you will know if your actions are taking you closer to, or further from, what you want to achieve.

For me, the best piece of advice was simple: Enjoy it! This is supposed to be a positive experience, something you will learn a great deal from and look back on fondly. So cut yourself some slack and have fun with it all.

A great source of inspiration is Leo Babauta’s blog: Zen Habits, which covers many topics regarding lifestyle and business. This particular quote is entrepreneurial advice for start-ups but I think can be applied here:
“Lots of times people kill themselves trying to reach a goal... The joy doesn’t come when you hit the goal…. The joy comes right now. This is the moment of greatness, of satisfaction with yourself and what you’re doing. Not later.”

http://zenhabits.net/startup/

Written by: Rosie

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Paradise Syndrome

A condition defined as dissatisfaction with oneself despite having achieved all of one’s dreams, which is said to occur in people who are so wealthy and successful they have no mountains left to climb

http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Paradise+Syndrome

I was lying on a beach in Thailand watching the sunset, despondently snapping sickeningly-smug-soon-to-be-on-Facebook photos, a cold bottle of beer wedged into the sand beside me and a cigarette languidly wafting to and fro in my hands, and I felt deeply uneasy. My friend gazed at her toes thoughtfully and huffed. Here, ladies and gentleman, you have Paradise Syndrome.

In such perfection, where are we to draw our aspirations from? What minor battles are there to fight so we can bask in a minor sense of achievement? Really, when everything is as we dream it should be, why do we feel so rubbish about it? After two weeks on a beach, I went running into the jungle where I could at least hope to get a bit lost and wage war on some leeches.

It just goes to show, what we think we want, and what we actually want, are not always the same thing. No big revelation there… but in this context it is important because it is a factor when you are choosing the location you would like to move to and thinking about what it is you would like to do. Nowhere is paradise really, and yet paradise can be found everywhere. Don’t get stuck on ideals, fantasies and fairy-lands.

Wherever you choose to go, you will find it fraught with annoyances and daily irritations. Not to mention (and this is key) YOU’LL be there. And if you’re there, all your little quirks and worries will be there too.

So be realistic, think about what it is you are hoping to achieve from this move and what it is you like to do which makes you feel at your happiest and most fulfilled. The chances are that the hammock and the sunset aren’t going to cut it.

Written by: Katie

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Decision-making (or Locating the Cojones)

Sometimes the hardest thing, and the cause of most procrastination, is actually taking an active decision.

In this context I mean a concrete, tangible decision with a clear goal and action points. A vague decision to ‘move abroad one day’ just won’t do.

Doing this is SCARY. As soon as you make a decision you are ruling out other options and, inevitably, some doors do close. But the feeling of relief you have, once you have taken the decision and started to act accordingly, goes way beyond the scary feelings you have when wavering at the crossroads with your brain busily firing different scenarios at you.

The temptation is to stall. The timing isn’t great: maybe one more year at this job/what about the flat you own/the puppy you’ve just bought… It is very rare that the ‘perfect timing’ shows itself to you. Whenever you decide to leave, it will probably be difficult and inconvenient for at least someone (most likely you), but that’s no reason not to do it.

The worst thing you can do is not make any decision and live in a perpetual state of neither one thing nor the other. Remember: Not taking a decision IS a decision. If you don’t choose, life will choose for you. And the longer you leave it, the harder it will become.

I have a friend who returned from travelling fired up to move abroad somewhere where she could perfect her Spanish. She took a job in London to fund her next adventure. But time ticked by without her ever taking the active decision to fulfil her dream. Finally, some years later she told me that her window had passed. By not doing anything she had inadvertently made permanent what was supposed to be her interim.

I’m afraid no one can help you make your decision, or tell you what to decide. Should you stay or should you go? Only you can know.

For some great advice on decision making, take a look at Zen Habits:  

http://zenhabits.net/life-decisions/

Then take some deep breaths and go with your gut.

Written by: Katie

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family business. skipping with kids

So, Katie and Rosie seem pretty determined to send “all the single ladies” - and all you “middle-aged-with-no-attachments-dudes” too  - off to far-flung countries. It’s for your own good, people!

And they apparently claim that guts is all it takes. You are ready for it, we know it...and you know it, so moooove and skip the country people! What are you waiting for?

Leave some room for us on your planes though.

We, the forty-somethings, with family and baggage attached, might want a piece of the cake too, you know?

Take me, for example. I have skipped back and forth a few times, and old habits die hard… 

My conscience: But, wait a minute...don't you have kids, a mortgage, a relatively stable job?

My inner skipper: So what? Is this the end of my journey then? Or the end of my wife’s journey, even with a new career path to explore? Is this it for our kids? Don´t you think that perhaps our kids could totally benefit from experiencing different cultures, learning new languages...

Conscience: What if they don´t like the changes…?

Skipper: Even if that means a bit of discomfort at the beginning, making new friends should not be a problem and they will be settled down and speaking a foreign language before we know it. In no time at all, they’ll have stopped looking back,  and hopefully they’ll thank us in the future for taking the right decision.

Imagine what it would be like for them to grow up as skippers…Five years here, five years there…I know that sounds a bit extreme, but why not?

Conscience: Hold on a minute! If you skip, everybody will think you are crazy…

Skipper:  Your life shouldn't be dictated by society’s rules, by what others might think is “the right thing to do”. You and your family are the only ones to make that call, and the best ones to know what you want to live and stand for.

As long as you all understand that, and as a family agree together, on what you want to achieve by skipping, you are ready for your life’s next chapter.

Conscience:

Alright, alright! I give up. One last question...what if the kids don't want to go?

Skippers: I knew you’d bring that up.

The answer is simple...you pull out the trump card.

I AM YOUR FATHER!

Let the force be with you, skipper families ;)

Written by : Gus

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Guilt guilt guilt

This is a tricky one and, before I start I ought to add a disclaimer. Not everyone is as free to move abroad on a whim as they might wish (those with dependents may not find it so easy, for example). Therefore, we are not advocating turning your back on responsibilities and running for the hills. But I would argue that those of us who are free have a responsibility to live life as fully as possible, to take risks and embrace every opportunity.

Here’s the challenging bit: beware the cozy blanket of self-imposed obligation. Sometimes ‘being needed’ is a self-perpetuating comfort zone based on misplaced guilt and fear. Those you feel you ‘simply must be around for’ might be mortified to think that they were responsible for stopping you from doing something you wanted to do.

Examine your situation and be honest with yourself. Do these people really need you around? Or are you hiding behind the idea that they do, just a tiny little bit…?

You’ll know the answer.

Written by: Katie

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New Year’s Resolution

I was having a drink with a Spanish friend yesterday who is contemplating skipping the country herself and had hit that inevitable brick wall of Timing. When is the right moment? Is there EVER a right moment?

For most the answer is usually a bit of both: It is ALWAYS the right moment but at the same time the timing is never quite right. There is always something to stay for – that possible promotion (if I just stick this out for one more year…), too many social commitments, a family member or friend in the middle of a crisis, a relationship that might get better if given a bit more time…

Some of these are good reasons, others are stalling factors. Be honest with yourself and remember: One year down the line there will be just many reasons to stay for one more year.

You might find (as was the experience with many that I spoke to) that suddenly it just becomes blindingly obvious that the time is now.  

For me it was the offer of a promotion which would lock me into a 3 year contract which set off a foghorn in my head: Now or NEVER!

It is helpful to have a catalyst but your job is to recognise it when it comes along and not drown it out with excuses. If you want to go, GO!

Make 2014 the year you finally took the leap.

And a very Happy New Year to one and all!

Written by: Katie.

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Lost in Translation

Of course, one of the things that comes up when you start thinking about moving is: But I don’t speak the language. It can just feel totally impossible to move somewhere where you don’t speak a word.

When I boarded the plane to Spain I realized that I actually didn’t know how to say hello in Spanish. Not “Thank you”, or “How are you”, or “Please give me a beer, I am lost and friendless.” I don’t really know why this hadn’t struck me before. Any doubts about how the hell I was going to manage without a word of the local language had been swept under the carpet of blithe naivety. “I’ll be fine,” I told myself. “I’ll pick it up in no time.”

If I had known quite how hard it is to learn another language, I suspect I might have got on the first plane back home again. Learning Spanish is HARD. They have a million verb tenses, and they have different genders for their nouns (Mrs. Chair, Mr. Car etc.) and they roll their rrrrrrs and use a terrible thing called the subjunctive which I really will never understand. And they speak so fast! After 7 years here, I am still only adequate.

Having said that, nobody could ever have prepared me for the undiluted pride I took the first time I went into a pharmacy and bought toothpaste. I had to pull out my phrasebook to look up  “Please can I have”, and “toothpaste”, and “ Thanks,” but I walked out of there with my damn toothpaste thank you very much. (OK, it was “herbal” flavored and quite startlingly disgusting but still.) I had no idea what joy it would give me to make a friend who doesn’t speak a word of English. To get a compliment on my pronunciation. To listen to Spanish radio and understand what they are talking about (turns out it’s always football).

There is so much more to it than that too. I am not really shy when I meet English speakers anymore. I mean, they’re just so easy to talk to! I am much more direct because I have to be - my Spanish doesn’t lend itself to “if it were possible, I might be...” type phrases, so I have mastered the ability to say “Yes I want to...” or “No I don’t like...” - no easy feat for a Brit. There are subtler things too - the way that Spanish allows you to “have” years, rather than “be” a certain age, with the sense of achievement that implies, is frankly a much better way to think of ageing.

So, all I’m saying is - Yes, by all means, be nervous about not speaking the language - it’s scary as hell at times. But NO, that isn’t a legitimate reason not to move. That’s just an excuse. You’ll get by just fine, you’ll pick it up because you have to, and you will experience a sense of overwhelming joy with every step forward.

Written by Rosie.

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Run TO and not FROM

Beware the temptation to think that, by moving abroad, you will leave all your troubles behind you. More often than not, problems come from within - and you might as well recognize now that, as long as you are there, they will be too.  

Therefore, it is best to focus on the positives. Think about what you are going to gain rather what you are going to escape from. For example:

Did my decision to move to Madrid come from that moment I found myself standing on the platform of a South London station on a rainy Monday morning, feeling wretched, out of control, burdened with worries and desperate to run screaming for the hills?

Or did it come from that moment the previous afternoon in Madrid, a glass of rioja in my hand and a plate of quite possibly the best Jamon Iberico in the world in front of me? I choose jamon. I ALWAYS choose jamon. 

So, before you spend too much time glowering around you and thinking: “I can’t wait to get away from all this”, take a moment and write a list of 5 things you want to achieve from living abroad, for example: 

• Learn a new language 
• Experience different cultures 
• Meet different people 
• Face new challenges 
• Spend more time skiing/sunbathing/hiking/surfing

Take some time over it and really get to the bottom of why it is you want to go. If you identify your expectations now, it will be a lot easier for you to meet them when you’re there.

Written by: Katie

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Do you really want this?

When I announced to my friends that I was moving to Spain the response from many was overwhelming: “How wonderful! I wish I could do that.”

My response was repeatedly (and probably annoyingly): “You can!”

We’ve already looked at ‘Can’t’ so what I want to address here is ‘Don’t Want To.’ This means a brief exploration of that torturous word: SHOULD:

·         I SHOULD do more exercise

·         I SHOULD lose weight

·         I SHOULDN’T spend any more money

This is a word our conscience uses to beat us over the head. It usually achieves very little other than bring out the sulky teenager in us all who immediately wants to eat a brick of cheese while lying on the sofa shopping online. Or maybe that’s just me…

My announcement to my friends triggered the SHOULD response: “God dammit, that sounds cool, I should do something like that but I can’t because of all these reasons I’m busy making up right now.”

As if being the type of person who wants to live abroad makes you instantly much more interesting and glamorous. It doesn’t. It means you are interested in a particular set of experiences which you know you can find if you spend some time living out of the country in which you were born. That is all.

My point is, please don’t move abroad because you feel you SHOULD. It is totally fine to not want to. 

Wanting to stay put and live your life in one place is just as awesome and can be as challenging, invigorating and stimulating as living abroad. Moving abroad isn’t for everyone, and should only be undertaken if you actually want to.

And it’s not for everyone, not because it is too challenging or adventurous for some faint-hearted home-bodies. It just very simply comprises a bunch of experiences that not everyone wants to have.

And that is fine.

The first thing you have to rule out is: I’m doing it because I feel I should. That might get you on the plane but will leave you a bit high and dry once you actually arrive.

Written by: Katie

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But what about my job? And other excuses…

Look, let’s be honest. If you are reading this blog at all, chances are that your job is not so great right now. It’s not a vocation. It’s not your dream job. It’s just…a job. Maybe a very good job, maybe something you’ve fought hard to get, maybe something you enjoy. Or maybe not. But frankly, I’m guessing it’s primarily a way to pay the bills.

If you are likely to lie on your death bed, wishing you’d stayed in your current job – then for God’s sake, stay there! If not… then how on earth did your job even end up in this conversation?

I’m not suggesting you kiss your career goodbye. Unless you are a particularly blessed individual, I’m guessing you’ll need to work in your new location. I’m just saying that it is very easy to get sucked into thinking that your job is vital to who you are. You spend all day doing it; you are likely surrounded by other people who do the same thing – it is not necessarily healthy to distance yourself from the activity that takes up most of your time. But now might be a good moment to step back, take a deep breath, and let it go.

Don’t panic – just because you’re moving to a new country, you’ll still be able to find work. You might just have to let go of some of your preconceived ideas about your career. Which can be a very good thing!

In the words of Seth Godin “Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you should set up a life you don't need to escape from.”

Written by: Rosie

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Skippers’ Stories – Part 3: gus

So, my time to tell you a little story about “how I became a skipper!”.

Long story short, I simply had no choice, did I?. i can´t stand the heat, and being sweaty all day wasn't funny when growing up in the Canary Islands, so I had to find a place where I could cool down a bit. So I choose london (truth is that at the age of 17, I got lucky enough to win a sort-of-willy-wonka trip to good old blightey, and got hooked to london pride and scratchings). Not totally a lie, but almost close enough to reality. Anyway, lets start over.

With ants in my pants, I wasn't going to stay in the islands for long. By pure chance, I discovered the magic world of animation while at university and that took me from LPGC.to another island (Mallorca) where I became 24/7 a rat lab to craft what would become my passion and profession. That was back in 98, sooo last century, I know. So a small recess to charge batteries with the family around and next frog leap... to another island, this time “the big rock”, as a colleague like to call it. I landed briefly in Birmingham but shortly I moved down to test my cockney rhyming slang in East London with my barrow boy flatmates. I wandered around working on multiple and different gigs, from TV animated series for kids, videogames to blockbuster movies. I really enjoyed the whole ride, and still miss the Soho thrill, but... life catches up, kids and London are not a great combination and we decided to give homeland a chance ( I have to say the TV series is better than s-pain). 

This to me feels like the end of part#1 of my skipping journey.

I learned what being a naive skipper meant when I lost a room I was about to rent, because I did not put a deposit down. That, I thought to myself was a lesson and I put a hundred pounds down on the next one I thought I was moving to... and when I found something better, I had lost that money too... I definitely learnt a few lessons, but that made me wiser, and poorer. 

During the almost 7 years I lived there, I kept learning all the time: How a different culture and society worked and behaved. I learnt the rules, I didn´t accept what I didn´t have to, but I respected them. It wasn´t for me to change after all. 

I loved the feeling of being a Londoner as much as it shocked me to feel isolated when I first arrived in the sticks, with no friends, no family…

I know I have been, and still am a skipper, since I am not Spanish* I am still skipping, and hopefully will keep it that way, trying to convince our daughters of the multiple benefits that comes with travelling the world, knowing other cultures and learning to see things with different eyes.

Someone once told me “Once a skipper, always a skipper”, so who know what future holds.

whatever comes next 

there is only one thing for sure, 

it will always be digested 

with a banana. 

canarian, but of course!

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Skippers’ Stories – Part 2: Rosie

Any country-skipper will tell you that coming up with a good reason for just what you are doing in your newfound land is one of the most tricky - and frequently asked - questions you’ll face. When you don’t have a good, sensible answer (I came for work/love/language school etc.) it takes you a while to get a nice polished response going. At first, your heart sinks, and you think, “God, that’s a really good question – what the hell AM I doing here anyway?” Cue existential doubt, soul-searching, and chocolate.

Actually, I still don’t have a really good answer for why I have been living in Madrid for the last 8 years. The difference is that I am now much more comfortable with that. Basically, I moved here on a whim. I came to Spain for a friends’ wedding, fell blindly, hopelessly and irrevocably in love with the country, and moved here 6 months later. My plan was to come over, learn Spanish in 6 months (HAR HAR) and then return to “real life”. 8 years on, life here is about as “real “as it gets – I have a job I love (most days), a husband, and a baby on the way. As it turns out, Spanish is actually quite difficult to learn – fortunately!

Got a question for us? Want to share your own experiences? Drop us an email at howtoskipthecountry@gmail.com or add a comment below - we’d love to hear from you.

Skippers’ Stories – Part 1: Katie

Seeing as we’re here to advocate life-altering decisions, we thought it would be a good idea to start with our own stories and what Skip the Country meant to us.

Mine is a classic pre-30s parachute jump. I had what women’s magazines like us to think is the Holy Grail: Job, flat, boyfriend. Everything was mapped out and I could see where I was headed. The problem was, I didn’t like it. Instead of settling into the nice groove I’d made for myself and continuing to chug forwards, I was clamoring to get out. There was a BIG experience calling to me that I just couldn’t ignore.

I had travelled a huge amount in my 20s, but I still felt there was one challenge I had yet to tackle: living abroad.  I wanted to order my drinks, chat to my local shop keepers, get my hair cut, set up a bank account and buy toothpaste in a new language; I wanted to know the gems, quirks and rhythm of a city that wasn’t London; I (let’s face it) wanted to have a year-round tan, be fluent in Spanish in 2 months and be photographed in a neck-scarf, cycling with a baguette in my basket/on vespa being pursued by Gregory Peck / [insert your own generic European fantasy here].

And, all that aside, I wanted direct, easy access to jamon iberico.

I chose Madrid for a combination of the above aspirations (some of which turned out to be more realistic than others… )  and also because Rosie had been suggesting I did so over the course of the many visits I made to see her while she was blazing the trail for me. Apparently I’m extremely suggestible.

So, on April 15th 2011 I landed in Madrid with one suitcase and two job interviews lined up. And that was that.  

Written by : Katie

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